True Stories & the Job Interview from Hades

The other day I was talking with the boyfriend, and we were sharing some of our “I can’t believe that actually happened” memories. It made me realize that I’ve experienced a lot of crazy things that I sometimes forget about because they are so out of the ordinary for me. I decided I need to start a list to keep it all straight.

1. I’ve toured a concentration camp in Austria.

2. I’ve met and listened to a Holocaust survivor speak. (And when he was describing the Aryan race – in German, mind you, with a translator – he may have pointed straight at me…the blonde haired blue-eyed girl sitting in the second row. Probably the most uncomfortable/awkward situation in my life).

3. I’ve been standing in a parking lot within 100 feet of a person pulling a gun on someone else in a fit of road rage.

4. I’ve gotten stuck right in the middle of a high speed car chase after a bank robbery.

5. I’ve shot an AK-47

6. I’ve had to talk to and take directions from a 911 operator when a neighbor who I’ve never spoken to before had a seizure and her little girl came up to me with 911 on the phone.

That’s all I’ve got for now.

So Aaron and I are at that point in our relationship where we don’t really have NEW stories anymore. All those stories up there he has either heard, or he was next to me when they happened.

So imagine my surprise when he was telling me about an interview he was going to. I was all “Well the good news is that it can’t be as bad as my horror story of a job interview,” and he was all “Huh?” Come on Aaron. You know what I’m talking about. I’ve told everyone and their mom this story. I’m pretty sure I acted it out as a skit in front of a group of people at Bible study one night.

The thing is, I hadn’t thought about this crazy interview in forever. It was such a strange surreal experience that I kind of forget sometimes that it actually happened to me. THIS INTERVIEW GOES ON THAT LIST UP THERE.

No. 7 I’ve had the job interview from Hades.

It all started when I decided I needed to get a part-time job while I was in college. I went to the mall and put in applications at a bunch of stores. One of those stores happened to be STRASBURG CHILDREN’S BOUTIQUE at Bel Air Mall in Mobile Alabama. That’s right. I’m calling them out. Just like the Well’s Fargo Lady. 

I got a call back for an interview and was so excited. This was the first real job interview I have ever had. The day of my interview I wore a nice dress and heels and walked into the store. An employee immediately saw me and ushered me into the back.

I take a look around. I am in a teeny tiny dark office with a single lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. I had walked into an interrogation room. There are three other people in the room with me. One was an older woman who seemed to be in charge, and then two younger female employees.

They ask me to take a seat…and then gesture towards a leather footrest.

A LEATHER FOOTREST. Like a foot and a half off the ground! No one else in the room sits.

All three employees then proceeded to stand over me and ask me rapid fire questions about teamwork and interacting with customers. At one point someone held up a baby dress and made me point out details I would describe to a customer to make a sale.

What do you know about embroidery!?…NEEDLEPOINT!!??…SMOCKING!!!???

All I remember after that is walking out into the mall in a fog like “Is this real life?”

I called my mom to run  it all by her and she confirmed my suspicions, that “no, that was not normal…not normal at all.” It’s really crazy to me now that I’ve gone on REAL job interviews for my actual CAREER, and they have been no where near as intimidating as the one at the silly store in the mall. I’m pretty sure I was never asked a single question about speech therapy on any of my job interviews.

Who did those silly dress peddlers think they were, asking me about embroidery and smocking and crap?

The good thing about having that experience is that now all the interviews I go on are cake.

Oh. And in case you were wondering…I did not get the job.

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